I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
