FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
