i permit you to call me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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