In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
