I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
