I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
