booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
