He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
