Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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