Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
