Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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