My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
