you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
