You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
