Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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