Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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