My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
