9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
