Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
