so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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