12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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