Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
