Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
