We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
