i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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