his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
