im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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