He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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