She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
