So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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