Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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