Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
