Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
