My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
