I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
