I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
