her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
