when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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