I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
