Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
