Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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