Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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