he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
