Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
