youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
