I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
