Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
