If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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