no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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