Need sex. Gaining weight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
