I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
