Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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